What I learned in 2018
We are who we choose to be
Hey there, I’m Stewart and I’d love to share with you what I learned in 2018. Now, I learned a great many things in 2018. This past year was more like the sum of 2016 & 2017 combined. See, I went through some pretty rough times over the last couple of years. And these are the top five things I learned on the other side.
The core idea from 2018, for me at least, was that I have a choice in how my life unfolds. I get to choose who I am going to be and how I am going to live my life. I am not a robot wound up and set loose by some uncaring force. Rather, I’m the product of my choices. And that, to me, is an encouraging thought.
1. The obstacle is the way
If something is hard, step into it. Easy never changed the world.
Craig Groeschel
Life is full of challenges and obstacles. At times we won’t be able to push our way through them all. It would be a shame if we gave up on something because it is hard. These big obstacles are what shape who we become. So, while we might not be able to find a way through something we might discover a way to go around it. If we can’t go around it we can try to go over or under it. If we look hard enough there is always a way to get past or use an obstacle.
If we are to find a way past an obstacle we mustn’t focus on what we aren’t. By focusing on what we aren’t, what we can’t do, and what we don’t have we are limiting our thinking. Instead, to create a way, we must focus on who we are, what we can do, and what we do have. This is where we must double down and place our efforts. We must recognize that we are good enough to make it past this thing. We have what it takes to turn this obstacle into something useful. We don’t need to “fix” ourselves in order to attack this problem. We have to decide to use what we have and hone it.
This kind of thinking is how we can turn an obstacle into something useful. We have to use creative thinking to come up with solutions to our problems. We have to be brave enough to try those solutions and be ok with them failing. After that, we’ve got to be brave enough to patiently try new things until we succeed. Then, the thing that seemed so big and hard is no longer big or hard. That thing has become something that helped us improve.
What once stood in our way blocking our path has now become our way. The thing that held us back is now the thing that pushes us forward. What was once a source of shame is now a source of pride because we stuck it out and overcame that thing. All this because we did not give up.
The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.
Marcus Aurelius
2. Run your race
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
1 Corinthians 9:24
Everyone has an opinion on who we should be and how we should get there. Our culture, friends, and parents all seem to want and decide our outcomes for us. And, if we’re living by default that means we’re letting these influencers decide our lives for us. Not only will we not get where we’d like to go but these influences will conflict at times. This conflict will pull us in various directions so that we end up getting nowhere. If we don’t make a choice on who we want to be, someone or something else will.
But, the good news for us is that we get to decide who we’re going to be. Like an athlete chooses a sport we get to choose what kind of person we’ll be in life. After that, it’s up to us to put in the work and become that person. We alone get to face the hard things in our lives and overcome them. And, it will be us who get to treasure the success and the fruits of our lives. No one can step in and do this for us. If we don’t do the work it won’t get done and we’ll be living by default again.
It is never too late for us to get started. We need to make a choice on who we want to be and start living. We must start putting in the work to own our the lives that we want. No one can run our race for us. Likewise, we can’t run someone else’s race. So, we’ve got to forget what is behind us, focus on the goal, and run our race. We must not look too hard at the others running around us because they are not running our race. We must run our race and run to win.
Don’t forget to ask: Is this really the life I want?
Ryan Holiday
3. Less but better
What if the stuff you have is robbing you of the life you want? It’s better to have less of what doesn’t matter and more of what does.
Craig Groeschel
Our lives are not about the things we own. Rather, life is about the quality of our relationships and the events we experience. But, often times we sacrifice precious time and energy chasing money to buy things. We expect these things to fulfill us or make us into a better version of ourselves. But, rarely do these things live up to that promise. Instead, it’s only one more box, one more thing, and then we’re on to the next one. We repeat the cycle of buying things we don’t need to impress people we don’t care about. In the end, we have lots of stuff and empty lives.
If we want to break this cycle in our lives we must decide how much is enough. How many things do we actually need? Could we get by with a simple wardrobe? Do we need a new cell phone this year? What are the reasons we are purchasing new things? Are we trying purchasing to feel the rush of getting something new? Are we feeling the pressure to consume? Or, perhaps, we are trying to impress other people and float a standard of living that is above our means. Whatever the case, only we can decide how much is enough in our own lives.
Less but better.
Dieter Rams
Once we decide how much is enough we are free to own only that much. We can stop thinking about how to get more and we can be content with what we own. We free up room in our lives for investing in the things that matter most. Our sense of self becomes divorced from the things we own and the status they bring. The relationships we pursue are free to grow deeper when they are the focus. And finally, our experiences can be richer because we can invest resources in them. These people and memories will make our lives rich, not the stuff we carry along the way.
By choosing to not buy lots of things we free up our resources to buy quality things. By purchasing quality goods we can appreciate them more. If you choose to only own 7 shirts you can invest in quality shirts. They can be comfortable, look great, be high quality, and responsibility sourced. We don’t have to think about what to wear each day or where to store all our extra clothes. These aren’t our problems because each of our 7 shirts is our favorite and they don’t take up much room.
Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.
Rabbi Hyman Schachtel
If we make an active choice to own less we are choosing relationships over goods. By deciding how much is enough we are choosing to have less but better possessions. Instead of our things owning us we are owning them. We can live life instead of storing stuff.
To want nothing makes one invincible — because nothing lies outside your control.
Ryan Holiday
4. You control your attitude
Of things some are in our power, and others are not. In our power are … in a word, whatever are our own acts. Not in our power are … in a word whatever are not our own acts.
Epictetus — Enchiridon
In life, only two things are under our control: our attitudes and actions. We’ve got no power over the events in our lives. Things like what people do, say or think are outside of our power. We have no influence over nature, governments, or societies. But our perceptions of these things and events are in our power. Our perceptions control our actions and how we respond to these things is our choice.
The things that happen to us in life are agnostic of us, they don’t care to harm or help us. But, our perception of these things will determine if they are harmful or helpful. We can always choose to search for the good in the direst of a situation. If we look hard enough there is always some lesson to learn, a virtue to practice, or a blessing in disguise. With hindsight even the worst things to happen to us shape who we are and help us become better.
You can’t control what people do, but you can control how you respond.
Craig Groeschel
5. Stop caring so much
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.
Steve Jobs
Our time on this earth is short. We have a small handful of years to experience all the things that are in our power to do. We shouldn’t waste our life caring about things that don’t matter to us. Things like being “right,” what others think of us, and having the greatest things are not worth our cares. We should ignore these things even when others tell us that they are the focus of life.
Instead, we should find something worthwhile to focus on. We can find that through trial and error and once we do we should pour into it. By giving ourselves to something worthwhile we will find fulfillment. We can blaze a trail and leave a legacy for those who follow after us.
Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a f*ck about what’s truly f*ckworthy.
Mark Manson
Bonus:
You don’t have to have an opinion
… and if it relates to anything which is not in our power, be ready to say, that it does not concern you.
Epictetus — Enchiridon
Our opinions are not our own, they are the result of all the things that influence us. Instead of a well-crafted thought, our opinions tend to be like bricks, one stacked on top of the other. Our upbringing, family, friends, religion, and culture all shape our opinions. These things have an effect on us even if we don’t want to admit it. Unless we put in the effort to understand where our influences come from we will live on default. We’ll make the choices we’re told to make. We’ll carry opinions about everything seen through the lens of our influences.
But, there are a great many things that happen in life that we don’t have to have an opinion about. These things are outside of our control and have little to no effect on us. Opinions use our energy and emotion. So, there’s no reason to carry opinions about things that don’t affect us. Having an opinion doesn’t make us right, it only means we have an opinion. Life isn’t a debate that we must win. It’s ok to be right, wrong or to change our minds. Having an opinion about every event is not necessary.
